The cat is out of the bag....well sorta. :)
We told the kids Monday night. They were all excited, and it was like a light bulb went on for each of them...they suddenly got why mom was laying around being a bum. haha. It's nice to feel free to talk about it if I feel like, and not feel I have to hide it.
Yesterday, we started to let the families know. Some of them were here while we were doing the retrieval and transfer, so they were chomping at the bit to hear some news. Thankfully we had some good stuff to tell them. My mother screamed into the phone...hurt my ear a little. :) Anyway, the consensus is happiness all around.
Today I had to try and nail down a Perionatologist to get scheduled so I am not without someone when the RE releases us. It's hard to find someone, for such a personal thing..and I of course have to find someone that delivers at a different hospital...it's all a big pain. We think we will go to Loma Linda this time...Have any of you heard anything about them? I'm not sure if there are really many other options close enough for us, but we definitely want to hear some reviews on it, if you all know of any.
Thankfully there have been no major bleeding episodes since the one last week. There are still small clots being passed, but it's old stuff. It eases my mind a little. I have been laying down and doing very little this past week, and we are hoping this will help heal the tear that was causing the bleed...so far so good. We are going in for another look at things on Monday...if I can wait that long. They said we could come before the weekend if it would ease our minds...will see, tomorrow is the only opportunity for that.
Overall, if I can keep my tummy full constantly I am pretty good. I've been super tired, and dizzy, but the hunger pains are the biggest issue...that and my teeth hurt from these braces so I am limited on what I can and cannot chew. That is a huge pain! So far, so good, this week.
Not quite ready to make the big announcement...we may be forced into it soon. Some of our family members have big mouths. :)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
8 weeks: Our little Miracles
What can I say, when there really are no words that could express what we are feeling right now. I'm am at a loss, and for good reason.
To be told all hope is lost, and to prepare for the worst...words we have heard often this year...it's hard to imagine the other side of it, that there are no absolutes. That God is bigger than all this, and the bigger picture isn't in our sights. There really are no words...I am in AWE of all that is happening. I find myself in tears as I sit in amazement of this blessing...or should I say, of these blessings.
Thankfully, my hubby was able to witness this wonderful sight, with his own eyes, and not just take my word for it. We could clearly see both babies at the same time, with both little hearts beating away. What a beautiful picture! The first heartbeat was 162 and the second was 158. Nice and strong, and up quite a bit from 4 days ago. They were measuring 7w6d, and 7w5d, so just a day or two behind isn't bad, especially for me, they usually are smaller than this. :)
We are still dealing with a rather large SCH, and it even appears to be coming from both babies...there is really no telling for sure at this point, but it's behind both sacs. It looks to be mostly clots and old blood, just a small amount of new bleeding. This means we watch closely to see what happens, and pray with everything in us that it heals up and goes away. More days of sitting on my rear end are ahead of me. My house is paying for it, but I have a pretty good incentive to lay low for awhile.
To be told all hope is lost, and to prepare for the worst...words we have heard often this year...it's hard to imagine the other side of it, that there are no absolutes. That God is bigger than all this, and the bigger picture isn't in our sights. There really are no words...I am in AWE of all that is happening. I find myself in tears as I sit in amazement of this blessing...or should I say, of these blessings.
Thankfully, my hubby was able to witness this wonderful sight, with his own eyes, and not just take my word for it. We could clearly see both babies at the same time, with both little hearts beating away. What a beautiful picture! The first heartbeat was 162 and the second was 158. Nice and strong, and up quite a bit from 4 days ago. They were measuring 7w6d, and 7w5d, so just a day or two behind isn't bad, especially for me, they usually are smaller than this. :)
We are still dealing with a rather large SCH, and it even appears to be coming from both babies...there is really no telling for sure at this point, but it's behind both sacs. It looks to be mostly clots and old blood, just a small amount of new bleeding. This means we watch closely to see what happens, and pray with everything in us that it heals up and goes away. More days of sitting on my rear end are ahead of me. My house is paying for it, but I have a pretty good incentive to lay low for awhile.
The big black thing on the left is the bleed, it's not showing all of it in this picture, and then there are the two babies, one above the bleed and one to the right of it. :) Beautiful!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
As We Wait
Thankfully, as we have been waiting this week has been full of merriment and wonder. Otherwise, I'm certain I would be crazy by now.
Since the AMAZING appointment on Thursday, I have felt both blessed and shocked all in the same moment. Since Thursday the bleeding has been a constant reminder of how scary things are, and will remain until this thing clears up. Thursday afternoon was rough, with lots of cramping and bleeding. Friday wasn't as bad, and the bleeding was not the same, which was a very good thing. Christmas was pretty uneventful, and I was thankful...and then onto today, and there is something more going on, but it's old stuff, thankfully.
Tomorrow, the hubs goes with me...he missed the other appointment that was so crazy on Thursday. I pray that things are still looking good, with 2 little hearts beating stronger, and a bleed that has become smaller.
As we wait, I'm a little nervous, and still very hopeful.
2:00 is the time. I hope to have even better news to share with you than the last post, maybe even a picture...Here's to hoping!
Since the AMAZING appointment on Thursday, I have felt both blessed and shocked all in the same moment. Since Thursday the bleeding has been a constant reminder of how scary things are, and will remain until this thing clears up. Thursday afternoon was rough, with lots of cramping and bleeding. Friday wasn't as bad, and the bleeding was not the same, which was a very good thing. Christmas was pretty uneventful, and I was thankful...and then onto today, and there is something more going on, but it's old stuff, thankfully.
Tomorrow, the hubs goes with me...he missed the other appointment that was so crazy on Thursday. I pray that things are still looking good, with 2 little hearts beating stronger, and a bleed that has become smaller.
As we wait, I'm a little nervous, and still very hopeful.
2:00 is the time. I hope to have even better news to share with you than the last post, maybe even a picture...Here's to hoping!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Roller Coaster
In my life I have experienced too many times that I feel like I am on a roller coaster of emotions..I really hate roller coasters too. It's up one day and down the next, and then it repeats itself over and over.
I've learned to go with it most of the time, but there are days I would like to shake my fist in protest of the many ups and downs we have been going through. This past couple of weeks has certainly been one of those times.
Again last night I was dealing with a lot of cramping and bleeding. Once again today I dragged myself in to see the RE to check things out and make sure nothing needs to be done. Every time I go, I expect little.
Today we find though how that HOPE we hold onto so desperately can change things so drastically in one tiny little moment.
We have a Christmas Miracle, one that we hoped for, but guarded our hearts with at the same time. Yes there is still bleeding, and lots of cramping, and we can't seem to do anything to make it stop...But today was different.
This day brought so much hope, that I can't even begin to know what to do with myself. There was a little heart beating away, and measuring perfectly...But wait, there was more....another little heart was beating away in a sac right next to the other one.
To say I am in shock would be the understatement of the year, but I really am in SHOCK. We are so very hopeful, but walk forward from here with caution...and we Thank God for this, we know these little lives are in His hands. He knows the outcome of all this, and we have to leave it at that. We need prayer for healing, and prayer that these little precious ones are healthy, and stay put strong and healthy until it is safe for them both to be born.
Today was a good day...and I know there is always a chance that it could change tomorrow, but we hold on with everything in us to that four letter word I say so often....Hope.
I've learned to go with it most of the time, but there are days I would like to shake my fist in protest of the many ups and downs we have been going through. This past couple of weeks has certainly been one of those times.
Again last night I was dealing with a lot of cramping and bleeding. Once again today I dragged myself in to see the RE to check things out and make sure nothing needs to be done. Every time I go, I expect little.
Today we find though how that HOPE we hold onto so desperately can change things so drastically in one tiny little moment.
We have a Christmas Miracle, one that we hoped for, but guarded our hearts with at the same time. Yes there is still bleeding, and lots of cramping, and we can't seem to do anything to make it stop...But today was different.
This day brought so much hope, that I can't even begin to know what to do with myself. There was a little heart beating away, and measuring perfectly...But wait, there was more....another little heart was beating away in a sac right next to the other one.
To say I am in shock would be the understatement of the year, but I really am in SHOCK. We are so very hopeful, but walk forward from here with caution...and we Thank God for this, we know these little lives are in His hands. He knows the outcome of all this, and we have to leave it at that. We need prayer for healing, and prayer that these little precious ones are healthy, and stay put strong and healthy until it is safe for them both to be born.
Today was a good day...and I know there is always a chance that it could change tomorrow, but we hold on with everything in us to that four letter word I say so often....Hope.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
A little more Waiting
I have struggled to find the words to say about what we are going through right now. Really there are no words, I just feel a little lost.
The ultrasound yesterday, revealed the bleed had subsided, not as large and it looked to be going away. The only surprise really was that since so much of the bleed looked different, we were once again able to see the other sac that we thought was detached. Both sacs are still there, and both are still empty. Yesterday, I was 7 weeks. The little heartbeat that was there is not only gone, but the sac is now completely empty.
We are waiting one more week. One week to just be sure. This looks to be something I will need a D&C for and I don't want to jump in without giving us a little more time. I feel pregnant, dizzy, tired, and super hungry all the time. This makes it so hard. It's hard not to be discouraged.
We wanted to end this hard year on a happy note. Now we just have heavy hearts.
We wonder what God has in store for us, as we walk this journey that seems to hurt a little more than we expected it could. Although, through this we still have hope, and we are clinging to it with everything we have left in us.
There are 3 little ones still waiting for a chance to be our next child...we are thankful for that opportunity that we have never had before. I don't know how long I will have to wait. I do know my HCG levels have got to be sky high, so it may take my body a while to recognize this and go back to normal so my cycles will start back up and be normal. Maybe, March? Maybe not, we just don't know.
For now though, we remain hopeful...and are waiting just a little longer in hopes of a miracle, but are prepared if there isn't one.
We appreciate your prayers.
The ultrasound yesterday, revealed the bleed had subsided, not as large and it looked to be going away. The only surprise really was that since so much of the bleed looked different, we were once again able to see the other sac that we thought was detached. Both sacs are still there, and both are still empty. Yesterday, I was 7 weeks. The little heartbeat that was there is not only gone, but the sac is now completely empty.
We are waiting one more week. One week to just be sure. This looks to be something I will need a D&C for and I don't want to jump in without giving us a little more time. I feel pregnant, dizzy, tired, and super hungry all the time. This makes it so hard. It's hard not to be discouraged.
We wanted to end this hard year on a happy note. Now we just have heavy hearts.
We wonder what God has in store for us, as we walk this journey that seems to hurt a little more than we expected it could. Although, through this we still have hope, and we are clinging to it with everything we have left in us.
There are 3 little ones still waiting for a chance to be our next child...we are thankful for that opportunity that we have never had before. I don't know how long I will have to wait. I do know my HCG levels have got to be sky high, so it may take my body a while to recognize this and go back to normal so my cycles will start back up and be normal. Maybe, March? Maybe not, we just don't know.
For now though, we remain hopeful...and are waiting just a little longer in hopes of a miracle, but are prepared if there isn't one.
We appreciate your prayers.
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Unthinkable
How can it be that a hard year continues to be full of sadness. We face that today, once again.
I was able to get in again, for an ultrasound. It appears the bleed grew, and detached one sac completely, and the heartbeat from yesterday stopped. I am full of clots. There are no answers to why. We don't understand any of this. It is truly unthinkable. We will take a look at things on Monday, but we are expecting no change.
I am broken.
I was able to get in again, for an ultrasound. It appears the bleed grew, and detached one sac completely, and the heartbeat from yesterday stopped. I am full of clots. There are no answers to why. We don't understand any of this. It is truly unthinkable. We will take a look at things on Monday, but we are expecting no change.
I am broken.
Another rough Night
Yesterday the RE was able to wait on us to get to the office before she had to leave, so we could take a little look at things.
We saw a heartbeat in one of the sacs, and the other looks like something is going on in it, so the RE anticipates seeing a heartbeat on Monday at our next appointment. The bleed hadn't grown either, so it was a good news day for us.
Last night though, I started to get another headache, which isn't the end of the world. When I went to bed though, I had started cramping and bleeding again. It's so frustrating. Woke up with the headache, and the bleeding has slowed.
Today I am trying not to be frustrated. It's hard, but I keep praying that everything will be okay.
Lately all I do is pray. At least I have that. This week has been a little topsy turvy, looking forward to some calm.
We saw a heartbeat in one of the sacs, and the other looks like something is going on in it, so the RE anticipates seeing a heartbeat on Monday at our next appointment. The bleed hadn't grown either, so it was a good news day for us.
Last night though, I started to get another headache, which isn't the end of the world. When I went to bed though, I had started cramping and bleeding again. It's so frustrating. Woke up with the headache, and the bleeding has slowed.
Today I am trying not to be frustrated. It's hard, but I keep praying that everything will be okay.
Lately all I do is pray. At least I have that. This week has been a little topsy turvy, looking forward to some calm.
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