Full House

Our steady stream of company began Thursday night, and will continue well into next week.  It's a really good distraction right now. 

My one year old nephew that came last year when he was just 8 weeks old is now crawling around the house, and getting into things...which keeps me on my toes.  :)   I couldn't help but feel a little sad last night though.  He didn't have anything to play with, and kept getting in the cupboards, so I was looking for something toddler friendly.  I remembered this past February at Johnny's baby shower, receiving some little toys that I had tucked away in the back of the closet this spring.  I didn't melt down, but, deep inside it hurt to think that my son should be playing with his toys right now.  I don't mind that Rocco gets to play with them, but it hurts to think that my son didn't.  Johnny would have been 7 months old on Thursday, and would have loved his toys, and playing with his cousin.  I have a lump in my throat as I type this...my goodness it just still hurts. 

I do however, still have great hopes for tomorrow, and I pray that this cycle will deliver to us a beautiful son or daughter that we are able to bring home and experience all that we missed out on with our sweet little one.  Little Johnny's memory lives on, and I miss him.  My life still goes on, and I have chosen to keep living it, and allowing myself to have a hopes and dreams.  Sometimes though, it still hurts. 

On a lighter note...

I'm ready to do the trigger tonight.  I am ready for retrieval.  I'm just plain ready.  Not only do I have a full house of people...my ovaries feel as full as my house.  A bit tender, and full.  That's not a bad place for me to be right now.  :)